A Glimpse of Insanity

“A Glimpse of Insanity”

I penned this down about my schizoaffective disorder. I’ve dealt with too many delusions to add to this script. I lived this way for over twenty years. It is difficult to relive and put my sickness into words. There is no rhyme or reason…It’s just what it is.

Mental disability, what an epigram
It bounds buried in complexity
Titter inside hysterical effectuation
Feeling electrical currents shorting in my brain

Screaming unremembered prayers
In my night terrors at the devils fornication
Remaining in my presence anticipating my sleep

Booze to reverse the dementia

Waking day dreams, lost in semi-reality
Descry vociferation shouting my name

Wanting to claw my eyes out
Against nebulous shadows creeping behind

Needing a medium to banish
All apparitions from my space

Paranoid of ALL establishment

When securing eyes with others
They can decipher my every thought
With binoculars my neighbors surveil
Me camouflaged with drawn shades and pale skin
To go outside summoned new set of demons
Safer behind the curtains

Wanting to do battle, wage war to fulfill
Some morbid desire
Annihilating hordes in my dreams by any means

Aspiring to impossible heights
Seemingly greater than God himself
Retiring to cureless depths
Ideation of a rope

Booze to reverse the madness

OCD for a little control
A million times repeated thoughts
Flashing in my worn out eyes

Confusion…what day is this?
Am I doing something wrong?

A rap at the door sent me cowering under desk
Quivering in my hideout

Not glancing in mirros
Afraid of who would be looking back
Hiding from myself

Leaping out of my skin at the tiniest unwanted noise

Garbled gutteral utterances in left ear
Hot foul breath on my neck
Permanent shadows
Camped out behind me
Turn and they’re gone

Bawling at any spontaneity
Not in the scheme of my next confusing hours

Wanting to pull my skull off
Exposing the sickness inside
Just wanted it to STOP

Booze to reverse the derrangement

Limbs not answering brain waves
Hard to move and concentrate

On a daily basis surviving hell
On a nightly basis in true hell
Needing to shriek and explode
Afraid to sleep, walking in exhausted dreams
Broken pains in my bones
No peace day or night

My meds saved my life

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