Struck By Lightning

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I was flagging for road construction thirty years ago. I was dressed in jeans, shirt, boots and hard hat. I’d been flagging for four years in every kind of weather. It was a warm, overcast day but not stormy. I was standing with my stop/slow sign and holding the wooden pole. My index finger was touching the metal sign for control. There was no thunder or even a dark cloud in the sky. All of a sudden I heard the deafening crack of a huge bolt of lightning about twenty feet from me. It was the circumference of an old oak tree, huge. A small bolt of electricity, horizontally travelled to my finger anchored on the metal and struck me.
I was deaf, partially blinded by the light and in shock. The operator of a large ‘blade’ (dirt moving equipment) came running to see if I was all right. He steered me to the gigantic tractor to help me climb in. I bumped my head hard as I was disoriented. I leaned out and threw up. He drove me back to the ‘yard’ (where all the equipment was kept) and I got out.
We were working on I-25 and Arapahoe  road in Denver , Co.
We commuted from Greeley, Co everyday. I don’t remember the ride home and my brain was foggy for a few days. My balance was off and I couldn’t think.
The lightening left a burn mark on my finger and exited out of my big toe.
I’ll never forget this experience and am now terrified of lightening. If I even hear thunder…I’m inside.
I am also fascinated by lightning and its pure power. When you hear warnings about this phenomena take heed. It can strike out if the blue!!

B.G. Bradley

Sarah Update

Sarah has been in jail for five days. She was questioned by the police and gave them her sisters name. They found out somehow, ( I wish I knew), and arrested her. Sarah doesn’t appear until the 23rd.
I’m torn.
I hate for her to be locked up but at least I know she’s warm, fed, sober and has a place to lay her head.
Before jail she was hanging on the streets with Joe even though he abuses her. She decided not to go to Kansas for her own reasons. It might have been a good opportunity to straighten herself out. Deep down…I believe she likes being a vagrant and the lifestyle that goes along with it. She’s a renegade and tough as nails!
Spring is finally here, bringing warmer weather and easing the outdoor life. I can continue to emotionally support Sarah but all other attempts at helping her have failed. She chooses this life. She chooses to drink. Its not my choice.

B.G. Bradley

Update on Sarah

The involuntary commitment fell through the cracks. The woman in charge of IC’s for the state didn’t get back to me before Sarah’s five day emergency hold was over. So she went back out on the streets. She is now at Swedish Medical Center. Wednesday night she got so drunk that an ambulance took her to the critical care unit. They had to intubate her again.
I’m on my way to visit her with my sister in law. Poor little thing. Somehow she fractured her nose… so she has a broken jaw, ribs and nose. I’ve got written statements from family and friends expressing their concerns about Sarah. I will have to pursue an IC again next time she goes to detox.
I’m not looking forward to facing my daughter in front of a judge, trying to have her committed, but it is my only option to save her life. I pray it works this time. I love Sarah with all of my heart and can’t sit by and watch her die. There have been three close calls and I don’t want a fourth. Here’s a pic of how beautiful she is and another in the bad shape she was in last week. I want to see  her normal and happy again.

Losing My Heart and Soul

Malia is now six and Elijah is five.
My daughter Sarah and the father of the children  were terminated as parents. Addiction, neglect and not cut out to raise children.
I took in the kids when they were babies. I raised them on my own for four years. I suffer from schizoeffective disorder, agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder and OCD.
Schizoeffective is bipolar with delusions. I’m controlled with many medications but still have a rough time.
My grandchildren mean the world to me. I did my damndest to keep their lives happy, healthy and stable, while I was mentally ill and struggling myself.
Social services was involved from the start. I was in the process of adopting them myself.
However… their drunken mother would show up and display drunken behaviour. The kids would then be confused and emotionally distraught. I made the impossible choice to end any kind of a relationship with their mother forever. I put them up for an outside adoption. It tore apart my life, heart and soul. I spent many hours in therapy over grieving my loss…
Working with social services we found the perfect family for Malia and Elijah. After a year of extreme confusion, the kids have adjusted and are thankfully very happy.
I still get to talk to them, send them poems and gifts, and they also send me letters and pictures.
I went thru all the stages of grief and finally reached acceptance.
It was the worst and unhappiest year of my life…
The kids are doing excellent in school and have young parents to do things with. She’s a stay at home mom and he’s in the air force. Malia and Elijah have two sisters and a brother now. I’m happy to say they are happy!! It still breaks my heart to think of them…I guess that will never go away.
Malia and Elijah are healthy, adjusted and living their new life.
I found out yesterday the military is relocating the family to Georgia. That is a long way from Denver and breaks my heart all over again. I will survive. The matter of utmost importance is that Malia and Elijah continue to thrive and enjoy their new lives. I’m grandma and always will be. I love the kids and keep them with me in my mind.
Its sad to say but I’m glad they can’t see what horrible shape Sarah is in. She is with me right now. My boyfriend is out of state so Sarah is sleeping here.

Personal Thoughts

” Looking inside myself I see.
Life as a trial, challenge, trevail, failure…defeat.
Equally…accomplishment, competence, adeptness, artistry elite.
Continually shaping, adapting, striving, endeavor not complete.
Growing, learning, dreaming, balancing  ’til the hearts replete.
Peering deeply I see I’m free.”
  B.G. Bradley