Update on Sarah

The involuntary commitment fell through the cracks. The woman in charge of IC’s for the state didn’t get back to me before Sarah’s five day emergency hold was over. So she went back out on the streets. She is now at Swedish Medical Center. Wednesday night she got so drunk that an ambulance took her to the critical care unit. They had to intubate her again.
I’m on my way to visit her with my sister in law. Poor little thing. Somehow she fractured her nose… so she has a broken jaw, ribs and nose. I’ve got written statements from family and friends expressing their concerns about Sarah. I will have to pursue an IC again next time she goes to detox.
I’m not looking forward to facing my daughter in front of a judge, trying to have her committed, but it is my only option to save her life. I pray it works this time. I love Sarah with all of my heart and can’t sit by and watch her die. There have been three close calls and I don’t want a fourth. Here’s a pic of how beautiful she is and another in the bad shape she was in last week. I want to see  her normal and happy again.


Losing My Heart and Soul

Malia is now six and Elijah is five.
My daughter Sarah and the father of the children  were terminated as parents. Addiction, neglect and not cut out to raise children.
I took in the kids when they were babies. I raised them on my own for four years. I suffer from schizoeffective disorder, agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder and OCD.
Schizoeffective is bipolar with delusions. I’m controlled with many medications but still have a rough time.
My grandchildren mean the world to me. I did my damndest to keep their lives happy, healthy and stable, while I was mentally ill and struggling myself.
Social services was involved from the start. I was in the process of adopting them myself.
However… their drunken mother would show up and display drunken behaviour. The kids would then be confused and emotionally distraught. I made the impossible choice to end any kind of a relationship with their mother forever. I put them up for an outside adoption. It tore apart my life, heart and soul. I spent many hours in therapy over grieving my loss…
Working with social services we found the perfect family for Malia and Elijah. After a year of extreme confusion, the kids have adjusted and are thankfully very happy.
I still get to talk to them, send them poems and gifts, and they also send me letters and pictures.
I went thru all the stages of grief and finally reached acceptance.
It was the worst and unhappiest year of my life…
The kids are doing excellent in school and have young parents to do things with. She’s a stay at home mom and he’s in the air force. Malia and Elijah have two sisters and a brother now. I’m happy to say they are happy!! It still breaks my heart to think of them…I guess that will never go away.
Malia and Elijah are healthy, adjusted and living their new life.
I found out yesterday the military is relocating the family to Georgia. That is a long way from Denver and breaks my heart all over again. I will survive. The matter of utmost importance is that Malia and Elijah continue to thrive and enjoy their new lives. I’m grandma and always will be. I love the kids and keep them with me in my mind.
Its sad to say but I’m glad they can’t see what horrible shape Sarah is in. She is with me right now. My boyfriend is out of state so Sarah is sleeping here.

Malia My Lost Child-Poem

“Malia My Lost Child”

To see her bright smile in the morning’s light
Make breakfast and small talk
Laugh with her at the silliest things
Much happiness this brings

To give her a bath and watch her swim
Get out all fresh and clean
Comb her hair styled in a braid
Cutest girl God ever made

Hold her,cuddle the feeling’s bliss
Share pictures on my phone
Just taking her little hand in mine
The world seemed greatly fine

Discover things outside in play
Baking cookies too
Watching Walt Disney while lying down
Contentment I had found

Taken away she is no longer there
Has gone without a trace
Deep love and trust in her eyes of brown
I find nowhere around

No more gazing as she soundly sleeps
No angel with fresh baby breath
On her abandoned coat the tears I’ve shed
I might as well be dead
I’m missing drying her heart felt tears
I love her more each day
The sweet scent of her I love to inhale
Her pillow now smells stale

Malia is gone with others now
She is so far away
Cannot spy her sleepy smile this night
I will pray til the morning’s light